My Story

Let me tell you about my own experience with abuse. I have been subjected to every kind of abuse - physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual, going back as far as I can remember. I grew up believing that I had no voice, no rights, no identity. I was raised in a typical patriarchal family where the man was the undisputed head of the house, and I was lead to believe that the way to take contol of any situation was through violence.  My father was a cruel, even sadistic man.  My mother was too afraid to speak up for herself, or even for us.  Yet, my mother, too, was cruel in her own way.  I realize now that I became the scapegoat for my mother's fear and my father's fury. 

Because of the way I was conditioned as a child, I became a prime target for predatory abusers.

I went from one bad relationship to another - both male and female. I was married for 21 years to a man who was so neglectful in his duties, that the constant stress caused permanent damage to my body. However, because of my conditioning, I did not believe that I had any other choice but to put up with it. My experiences have left me permanently scarred, and afraid to trust. How many of you have experienced this?

I went through years of counseling to get to this point.  I cannot even think about getting involved with another man at this point, because I am too vulnerable.  And yet, through it all, runs a vein of determination.  I will not surrender - not now, not ever.

I went to school, and learned everything I could about psychology, and human behavior.  It took me 10 years, but I earned my Masters degree last year - something I am very proud of.

 

If you are in a similar situation, or worse, please, please reach out for help.  There is help, and hope.  You don't have to go it alone.