Cycle of Violence in Abusive Relationships
In addition to the internal, psychological barriers and external, social barriers that women face, researchers have found that the cyclical pattern of psychological experiences that occur within the violent relationship itself help keep women trapped in it.
All relationships have highs and low. However, what differentiates violent relationships from normal relationships is (1) the intensity of the expressions of emotion, and (2) the unpredictability of the expressions of emotion. This creates an atmosphere whereby the woman is in a constant state of fear and apprehension.
Why does this cycle of violence keep the victim trapped in the relationship?
HOPE
After a violent act, stress is relieved and the perpetrator can act in a very loving manner. The victim may want to believe that he loves her. Misguided love can inspire a victim of domestic violence to accept the batterer’s explanation that she caused the abuse herself by doing something wrong. When a victim accepts blame for causing her own abuse, she may begin to feel that, if she is careful not to anger her partner, she can avoid abuse in the future.
LOVE
Love is an extremely important motivator, especially for many traditional women. Love can encourage a woman to accept her batterer’s apologies, promises to change his behavior, and his lavish gifts. Love can encourage a victim to focus on her partner’s good qualities and behaviors rather than his violent and abusive ones.
FEAR
As the victim tries to avoid conflict by not doing anything to cause her partner to become violent, she may feel like she is walking on eggshells. Stress and tension build as the batterer tries to control his emotions without having the self-regulation skills with which to do so.
VIOLENCE
If the stress and tension are allowed to build up to an intolerable point, violence erupts, stress is relieved, and the cycle of violence starts again.
Even though love is sometimes experienced by victims and perpetrators of domestic violence, psychological researchers have found that these relationships are not primarily about love on the part of batterers. Instead, they are primarily about POWER and CONTROL. These behaviors are all attempts to demonstrate personal power and to control the victim through intimidation, isolation, guilt inducement, and fear.