|
|
| What Is Abuse?  Battering of women is defined as deliberate and repeated physical aggression or sexual assault inflicted on a woman by a person with whom she has, or has had, an intimate relationship (Humphreys, Lee, Neylan, & Marmar, 2001). However, there are several different types of abuse, and each one carries it's own weight with regards to damage done. Another way of looking at abuse is this: Abuse is learned behavior. It is behavior that the abuser has learned through any number of different ways: He could have witnessed his mother being abused - He could have been the victim of abuse-by his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, even siblings. This abuse could have been any form of abuse-physical, emotional, mental, or sexual.
- If the abuser was himself abused, the abuse becomes part of his person-hood, his existence, his reality. He then abuses in order to feel real, to feel powerful, significant-everything he didn't get a chance to feel as a child.
- However, and this is very important: if your abuser was a victim of abuse, it doesn't give him the right to abuse you, or anyone else. Many abusers use this fact as a tactic to draw you in because they know you care.
Our society is so tolerant of abusive behavior that we often do not even recognize some behavior as abusive. Some of the kinds of battering include:
Emotional abuse - emotional abuse is abuse that plays on your emotions - no great insight there - but it's more than that. Emotional abuse is a form of manipulation designed to inflict turmoil on a person, control that person's emotions, and thus control their behavior. Examples of emotional abuse are:  Name calling…Insulting…Humiliation…Criticizing…Blaming… Accusing… Questioning your sanity… Making fun of you… Intense jealousy… Destroying property… Threatening… Retaliation… Not permitting you to make any important decisions… Forcing you to do something against your will… Threatening your pets… Not permitting you to have contact with friends or family… Not letting you leave the house… Not letting you work or go to school… Not letting you drive the car… Monitoring your movements… Threatening to kidnap the children if you ever leave… Threatening self-abuse or suicide if you don’t do what (s)he wants… Saying that you deserve any abuse you are given. This is common theme with abused women. They are made to believe that the reason they are abused is because they did something wrong, because there is something wrong with or about them. That is BS. The night vision truth is this: The reason you are abused is because there is something wrong with or about your abuser, not you.
The abuser wants to project the reason for the abuse onto you so that they can escape responsibility for their actions. It's as simple as that. Sexual Abuse: Sexual abuse can occur in any setting. It can happen to you when you are most vulnerable, and the sexual abuser can be ANYONE, even someone of the same sex. Examples are: Unwanted touching… Withholding sex or demanding frequent sex… Name-calling of sexual epithets such as "whore," "slut," "frigid," etc.… Incest… Obvious promiscuity… Uncomfortable sex… Forceful sex… Sex after beatings… Sex with weapons… Marital rape. Date rape.
Economic Abuse: Refusing to work or to be responsible for financial affairs… Not allowing you to know about family finances… Making you ask for money… Keeping you in poverty… Not allowing you to have your own checkbook… Not paying alimony or child support when able. Also, economic abuse is passively letting you handle everything and then blaming you when things go wrong.
Physical Abuse: Pushing… Pinching… Slapping… Backing you into a corner… Pinning you down… Pulling your hair… Throwing objects… Breaking items that are yours... Choking you… Shaking you… Biting you… Holding you captive… Preventing you from eating or sleeping… Breaking down a door to get to you… Punching holes in walls... Locking you out of the house… Forcing your vehicle off the road… Abandoning you in dangerous places… Beating… Kicking… Keeping you from getting medical care… Spitting on you… Breaking bones… Using a knife, gun, or other weapon against you… Driving at unsafe speeds to intimidate you.
Battering results in hurt, anger, fear, and degradation. All batterers abuse their victims in order to gain control of them. Abuse intimidates the victimized partner, damages both self-confidence and one’s ability to evaluate one’s situation. Abuse inhibits the victim from taking action to protect oneself. The purpose of abuse is to control, feel powerful, feel right, escape responsibility,through any means possible. | |
|